The annual corporate yawn-fest that The Brit Awards have become rolled its eyes at the British public last night, and the most exciting thing that happened featured a 42-year old artifact from David Bowie‘s no doubt expansive catsuit collection.

In its early years, the Brit Awards were hailed and derided, in equal measure, as a shambolic mess. More recently, they’ve become a vehicle for the promotion of Britain’s least controversial musicians, something event organizers are clearly aware of, having (probably) begged Arctic Monkeys, who were once famous for mocking the shindig, to open the show in exchange for the ‘Best Album’ and ‘Best Group’ awards.

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And open the show they did, performing “Do I Wanna Know?” surrounded by fiery letters and answering their own question by indirectly setting host James Corden‘s jacket on fire, but unfortunately failing to prevent its extinguishment.

Bowie claimed his first award in 30 years in the form of the ‘Best British Male’ prize, though, naturally, he was far too cool to actually show up, instead sending out Kate Moss in one of his 1972 catsuits as an unconvincing body double. She collected the award; people clapped; she left the stage.

In the meantime, One Direction picked up a couple of awards that were clearly deliberately invented for One Direction, including the ‘Global Success’ award, and the ‘Best British Video’ award, which was voted for via Twitter.

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Bastille, the London pop/rock quartet, whose single “Pompeii” became an international hit, won the ‘Breakthrough’ prize, while 17-year-old urban chanteuse Lorde beat both Katy Perry and Lady Gaga to the ‘International Female’ award.

Pharrell and Nile Rodgers closed the show with a medley performance of “Happy and Get Lucky”, by ‘International Group’ winners Daft Punk, giving viewers some much-needed time to reflect upon what they’d learnt from 2014′s Brit Awards. The answer? If only the O2 had gone up in flames. See you next year, folks.

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