He’s gotta do something.

Mike Bloomberg may have aided Manhattan in its transition from bright, shiny tourist destination to ultra-swank playground for billionaires and their corporations, but when it comes to supporting all his constituents, nobody’s ever accused ol’ Billionaire Bloomie of being a man of the people. With a TV network already bearing his name and a wealth of TV shows that take place in what will soon no longer be his city to run, we wonder how Mike might fare were his career to take a sharp turn in its second (or is it his third?) act. Take a look at how he’d react if he were to find himself sharing apartments, elevators, and limos with some of his city’s most famous faces.


When Jessa reveals herself to be, in no uncertain terms, not exactly the working type, her uncle Mike fires her from his property development company. She’s late, her office always smells like patchouli, and he’s had to hire an intern whose sole responsibility it is just to get his Eames chair cleaned every time she stays late with that architect with the lazy eye. He hires her friend, Hannah, the one with the ill-fitting clothing, whose social graces leave something to be desired. She shows up on time, but the cleaning bill, mysteriously remains the same.

Mad Men

Don Draper isn’t a man who takes bribes, but he is a man who takes money for good work. Mayor Mike Bloomberg is a man who can pay for good work — the best — and he expects it. After a series of career missteps — a few allegations of racism here, a few handsy moments at the Playboy club there — the politician is looking for a career revamp that only Sterling-Cooper can provide. Their meeting at the 21 Club goes as well as can be expected. They get talk politics, women, get drunk on Manhattans. “It’s funny,” says Mike. “You keep trying to fill your glass with something that will never be yours; I keep trying to pretend I’m not in charge of something I already own.”

Sesame Street

Eight may be great, but Mike Bloomberg doesn’t want to teach your grubby child to count to eight. Americans didn’t reach the moon by counting to eight; we sure as hell didn’t cure polio by counting to eight. We have to aim higher, says Platinum Mike.  Following his departure from office, in what has become the longest episode of any television show to date, the erstwhile mayor teaches a group of preschoolers to count to a million with no accompanying song.

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