Hang in there, Giants fans.
This season hasn’t been pretty. Eli’s been wearing that 0 of 0-6 like it’s his dress size. The fairytale season Giants fans had hoped for died somewhere around the end of the first quarter of their Monday Night Football season opener against Dallas, when Manning threw two interceptions and David Wilson fumbled. It was the fumble heard around the world.
As another potential MNF blunder is upon us, Giants fans must be strong. No one’s going to make this easy for you, regardless of the outcome. They just don’t know what it’s like to have sports commentators give your games monikers every week like “Another Tough Loss”, “The Giants Are Still Imploding”, or “Can We Change the Channel?” They don’t know how it feels to watch Eli mouth-breathe his way to two Superbowl rings, only to lead the league in interceptions this season instead.
But to hell with them. New York’s got no room for fair weather fans. The world could learn a thing or two about loyalty from Giants devotees. And while analysts continue to point the finger and ask, who’s to blame? Did they switch to Time Warner Cable? Let’s always remember to find the silver lining of having a team dubbed “The Worst Team in Football.”
- Think of all the Giants merchandise on clearance. The great thing about supporting a clearance rack football team is that you get first dibs on all the good-looking gear. While other teams taste glory week after week, you can build an all-star wardrobe without breaking the bank. Some people say you can’t put a price on victory, but I beg to differ. ($99 minimum for an RG3 jersey).
- Your Giants jersey lets people know that you’re emotionally damaged without committing to the permanence of multiple tattoos. What simpler way to elicit sympathy from the bartender week after week than rockin’ your new Giants threads? If every Sunday is going to be a walk of shame, you might as well make the most of it. As a woman with tattooed arms myself, I can tell you that between crying alone in public clutching an Adele album with my ink exposed and wearing a Philadelphia Eagles shirt every Sunday of the 2012 season, I got more encouragement and sympathy from strangers with the Eagles shirt.
- It’s like Chinese New Year – every NFC East team gets a turn. Last year it was the Philadelphia Eagles and the dream team turned epic disaster. And for about 20 consecutive years before that, it was the Washington Redskins. Much like each sign of the Chinese Zodiac, every NFC East team gets its year in the spotlight, except they take turns bringing shame to the division instead of pride.
If you’re still too ashamed to join your buddies for nachos and wings at the bar next Sunday, you can always stay in and get that Sunday afternoon flavor with the Hooters’ Calendar Girls Channel: