Nigella Lawson has now made two appearances in the high-profile fraud case against her former personal assistants. They’ve been accused of ripping off Nigella and husband Charles Saatchi to the tune of several hundred thousand pounds on their company credit cards. In turn, the assistants, Italian sisters Francesca and Elisabetta Grillo, have claimed that the celebrity cook gave them permission to make the purchases in exchange for not telling Saatchi about her drug habit. Saatchi found out, obviously, and has since called his now ex-wife ‘Higella.’ Oh, and that’s all after he was snapped with his hands round her neck, and then with his fingers up her nose, at a restaurant earlier this year. He now claims he was taking cocaine out of her nose — she claims he was lashing out at her for making comments about wanting to be a grandmother. A bit of a mess then.

A lesser person might have buckled under the pressure and embarrassment, but Nigella has ably risen to the challenge, maintaining her composure through the trial so far, facing down accusations of drug use with an impressive grace. She’s used some pretty choice phrases throughout proceedings, and we’ve collected a few of our favorites. Try and keep them in mind next time you’re accused of taking drugs, hiding it from your advertising mogul husband and allowing two Italians to steal a load of your money.

Honesty, with a bit of snark: “I have to say with some shame that I smoke the odd joint, starting I would say, in the last year of my marriage to Mr. Saatchi. It made an intolerable situation tolerable and it was a false friend and it is not a good idea.”

Going for a bit of British self-deprecation: Pointing out that most regular cocaine users “are a lot thinner than I am.”

The single mother:  ”I value my health. My children have got only me as a parent. If you think I am going sabotage my health and run the risk of leaving my children orphans, you are very wrong.”

Proving her feminist credentials: “I don’t think it is the job of a woman to run a house. I think it is the job of whoever lives in the house to take charge. I feel it is both Mr Saatchi’s job and my job.”

Clearing the air: “I can say that since freeing myself from a brilliant but brutal man, I am now totally cocaine, cannabis and any drug-free. I don’t have a drug problem, I have a life problem.”

Reminding everyone of how lovely she is:  Admitting that her personal assistants were dubbed “Team Cupcake.”

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