Happy Christmas from Ginger Clam and everyone at TV Mix. It’s the season to be merry, so here’s a few festive gags – some are cheeky, some are cheesy and some are just f***ing hilarious!


1.Why doesn’t Santa have any kids of his own?

Because he only comes once a year and that’s down a chimney

2. What do you call nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin? A weener in your mouth.

3. A father and son are having Christmas dinner. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”

4. Why do elves laugh when they run?

Because the snow tickles their nuts

5.  A police officer on horse says to little girl on bike, “Did Santa get you that?” “Yes,” replies the little girl. “Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!” and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the officer and says, “Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?” The cop chuckles and replies, “He sure did!” “Well,” says the little girl, “Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!”

6. The first present I opened this Christmas was a pen knife. I was so excited, I used it to cut open all my other presents. Shame about the puppy.

8. One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mom.”

Who knew Santa was such a filthy bastard!

*Watch great TV at FilmOn.com, where there are hundreds of free channels to choose from – including Hollywood Fast Lane (playing below).

You might also like to read:

Liam Payne hits back after One Direction are called ‘c*** suckers’

Khloe Kardashian: ‘Don’t choke on my nuts – I have s*** in my life!’

Jennifer Lawrence on life, puking up and Amy Schumer’s breasts …