I have often said that the NBA is just a few steps away from becoming the WWE in terms of characters and crazy plot twists. Over the last few decades, things have settled somewhat, but only relatively; as much as some would deny it, the bigger than life personalities are a big part of the game’s charm. Here are some outrageous things that might happen in the NBA this year (or at least we’d like to see, or if a marketing department gets their tails up enough):
10. Houston’s James Harden shaves his beard and fro-hawk. Goes all Gravity.
9. Jeremy Lin grows a beard, and acquires Chinese Ghost Story hair, complete with top-knot.
8. Dwight Howard grows a heart as opposed to an on/off switch.
7. Blake Griffin and Zach Randolph re-create the scene in Fantasia (and the Disneyland train ride diorama) where the T-Rex battles the Triceratops — and we know who won that one.
6. The Lakers and Memphis Grizzlies sample David Bowie‘s big shout out line from “Cat People” — off his Let’s Dance album and notably, the theme to the film of the same name — (“…putting out the fire, with GASOLeeeen!) whenever Pau or Marc Gasol make a big defensive play (perhaps one or both of these fine organizations is already doing this)
5. The Cleveland Cavaliers make the playoffs for the first time since “The Decision” and Stranger Than Paradise is re-made, with Lebron and Chris Bosh taking on John Lurie and Richard Edson’s roles.
4. Giannis Antetokounmpo, Milwaukee’s “Greek Freak”, accepts the Rookie-of-the-Year trophy in full flowing Platonic regalia.
3. Stephen Curry arcs a 3-pointer so high it hits a roof-support girder and officials have to huddle to decide whether to award a home run or declare a foul.
2. New-Knick Metta World Peace stages a pick-up game at the United Nations.
1. The New Orleans Pelicans acquire BP as one of their sponsors.
Bonus: Above all, The Heat and the Spurs are NOT in the Finals.
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photo (c) 2011, Keith Allison – license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/