Spike Jonze‘s latest foray into the wild and wacky world of American eccentrics, Her, is being lauded by critics as a cinematic triumph for the digital age. The film revolves around the life of Theodore Twombly, a reserved and lonely writer played by Joaquin Pheonix, who falls in love with his operating system, Samantha, voiced by Scarlett Johannson. It may be a touching story, but it also brings up a number of important questions as society becomes increasingly dependent on technology.

If Apple can improve upon virtually every technology out there, can it improve upon the human woman? Will the robots become our overlords? Would a half-human, half-android baby even be cute? Perhaps, most importantly, the film brings up the real and pressing concern of robot-human love affairs — something average Joes will have to vigilantly guard against, should the human race continue.

To protect yourself from cuckolding computer programs and Siri’s seductive side, look out for these signs that your loved ones may be having a tryst with technology:

  1. Siri keeps referring to you as “bitch” at the end of each sentence, when you specifically told her that your name is “Dr. Love.”
  2. You notice your loved one’s breath smells like computer duster.
  3. Your significant other’s appointments remain unchanged in iCal, whereas each day, your calendar tells you, hour after hour, that your only plans for the day are to “step off.”
  4. All of your Instagrams have been deleted and replaced with videos of you sleeping, which your significant other swears he or she didn’t take.
  5. Out of nowhere, the alarm on your loved one’s phone starts alternating between “I Want to Know What Love Is” and “Unbreak My Heart” every hour, on the hour.
  6. The background on your shared computer is, suddenly, for no apparent reason, a photo of an iPad on a bearskin rug.
  7. TLC offers your family a reality show, seemingly apropos of nothing.

Science fiction programming is streaming on Threshold on FilmOn:

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