Madonna, the original Pop Queen, practically invented using boobs to sell records. It’s delightfully amusing to see the old pensioner return to mammary tactics ahead of the release of her new album.
It is, of course, 100% coincidental that Madge’s new album, Rebel Heart, is gearing up for release at the same time as the prehistoric star hits Instagram with an onslaught of cleavage shots.
It remains unclear as to who wants to see the 56-year old’s saggy love sacks but clearly Madonna still thinks the world has an appetite for some fossilized puddings.
We had world famous mammary expert Dr Bob Boobygrasper analyse the shots, he concluded:
“Having udders as saggy as Hugh Hefner’s ballbag will help add an additional 27 copies to international album sales and is a marketing masterstroke. Her baps hang between her knees like glorious swinging jellies and could help spread democracy in North Korea.”
The booby action inspired over 45,000 ‘likes’ within hours of being posted.
This may or may not have been followed by 127,000 suicides, 458,000 cases of vomiting and nausea and 989,000 cases of mild dysentery.
Madonna, who was born in a cave during the Neolithic Age, captioned the dusty muffin pictures with a caption stating ‘I’m not gonna stop’. Police are taking the threat seriously and have applied for a court order to remove the airbags from her torso.
Ginger Clam has applied for their custody.
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