MLB predictions

Baseball is back, and after a week of games filled with incessant stat chatter, it seems like it never left. Here are six things we’d like to see pop up before the end of Major League Baseball’s 2014 season:

Video review of the video review: It would be nice to watch those that are watching the ‘challenge’ replays in Manhattan’s Meatpacking District (apparently). Will they be in their underground bunker that’s a mix between A Clockwork Orange’s reprogramming theater and NASA’s Houston Command Center? Or perhaps they’re watching via Sling Box on their smart phones while in the middle of a three-martini dinner at Buddakan….

And then…: Of course this would open the opportunity for an iBeacon-assisted crowd review of a protest of a review of a review. All excuses for more commercials, apps, ads and ads for apps. And stats.

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Spanish Mascots: Major league teams have started wearing Spanish-language versions of their uniforms as a nod to the majority of their players, if not their fans….why not have Spanish-style mascots as well? The San Francisco ‘Gigantes’ could have a Sabado Gigante gorilla, the Milwaukee ‘Cerveceros’ could have ‘the Most Interesting Man In The World,’ and the Houston Astros could have the orange-haired little sick boy from the soap opera in Arrested Development.

Japanese/Korean uniforms: Since we are heading full-on into tonsorial acknowledgement of Hispanic fan base, I say we get some Japanese and Korean translated uniforms going, not just ‘Hello Kitty!” dancing around.

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More Moneyball: I would like to see Michael Lewis announce that he is looking to make his successful Moneyball book and film franchise into a Lucas-like, nine-part, past-present-future triptych of trilogies, thus renaming the extant volume Moneyball IV.

Stoned Run: I am curious to see what the Seattle Mariners and the Colorado Rockies will do now that smoking marijuana is legal in their home states. Will they have a designated area (like Safeco Field’s ‘Hit It Here Café’)? Will it be combined with the other smokers? Will they sell special munchies, something like the Rockie Mountain High-and-Inside Brownie? And it is a known fact that the Rockies at least used to have humidors on-site…The Mariners and Rockies will have only faced each other in Arizona during Cactus league spring games this year, unless, of course, they meet in the World Series, in which case I am reserving credit when the comic malapropism ‘sacrifice blunt’ stat is introduced to the national TV audience.

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