Miley Cyrus has made it perfectly clear that she can’t stop and she won’t stop, but, thanks to some strict orders by a doctor, the erstwhile Hannah Montana star turned professional tongue-wagger is taking a little time to slow things down.
The 21-year-old star was forced to cancel dates on her highly-anticipated (by whom, we’re unsure) Bangerz tour after a severe reaction to antibiotics left her hospitalized earlier this week.
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According to sources close to the star (but not so close that they wouldn’t spill details of her medical issues to TMZ), the death of her prized pooch, Floyd, had emotionally destroyed the star, leaving her in dire need of antibiotics.
But even though we’re no doctors, sadness doesn’t seem to typically require treatment with tetracycline, so we have some thoughts on what may have really given Miley malaise. According to a crack team of doctors, the most likely sources of her illness are as follows:
- Lingering diaper rash from her VMAs outfit
- Teddy bear backpack attack
- A taste of whatever Nick Jonas’ frightening man-boy muscles are on
- Dancing a little too hard with Molly
- Licking that sledgehammer in “Wrecking Ball”
- Susan Powter finally losing it over her look being co-opted
- A raunchy night at Chateau Marmont with her foam finger
- Terry Richardson
- Thong leotards, in general
- Gluten
- Robin Thicke
- Making out with a My Size Barbie in “We Can’t Stop”
- The Hoedown Throwdown
- Reaction to pasty glue
- That terrible mouth tattoo
- Justin Bieber’s moustache
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