Jeff Zucker

Sick of the same old CNN? Don’t worry — so is Jeff Zucker. The CNN Worldwide president announced this week that he’s planning to change up the venerable news network’s tried-and-true formula of delivering stories that matter in a timely manner in favor of a new approach — adding some pizzazz, if you will. “Less news, more shows,” in his words.

While Zucker’s new plan will leave CNN’s daytime lineup largely undisturbed, the network’s stable of nighttime programming will soon be the recipient of a facelift in favor of palatability.

What could possibly change the public’s opinion of a network dedicated to making TV a place for learning, and not for fun? We have a few ideas.

Anderson Cooper’s Coupe de Ville: A mix of Guy Fieri‘s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, and Stephen Fry in America, this show follows Anderson Cooper as he takes off across the country in a Cadillac looking for the best the U.S. has to offer. However, given Cooper’s particularities — his extremely privileged upbringing as the son of Gloria Vanderbilt and his insistence upon eating Boston Market turkey for lunch each day – this would certainly make for an interesting, if unsettling, peek into the human psyche. Watch as Anderson Cooper orders a shrimp cocktail at The Palm, just like he does every Thursday! Watch as Anderson Cooper learns it’s difficult to go tubing behind a yacht!

Wolf Blitzer’s Blitzed: With a name like Wolf Blitzer, it was clear that ol’ graybeard was destined for a career in show business, but his work as a newsman seems oddly stodgy for someone who could have made literally infinite puns based on his awesome name. We’re envisioning some kind of Japanese-style game show, in which guests are forced to compete in the Blitzer, a type of cash whirlwind, while being berated by Nancy Grace.

At Home with Erin Burnett: Like Cribs, but even worse! Look on in awe as this CNN host’s housekeeper gives you a tour of her nice, clean Upper East Side apartment! Look at this other CNN host’s nice, clean house in Greenwich! Look at this other CNN host’s nice, clean brownstone in Brooklyn Heights! They don’t have dogs, their kids are at boarding school and nobody ever makes a joke about any place being “where the magic happens.”

News channels around the world still produce real news. Watch it streaming around the clock on FilmOn here.

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