Jack Bauer may be the hero the world needs on Fox hit 24, but on this side of the small screen, Kiefer Sutherland is the one we deserve. For nine years from 2001 to 2010, and now, with the show’s recent resurrection for 12-episode series 24: Live Another Day, Kiefer gave the world his best impression of a guy after justice, when, in his real life, he spent much of his time off-screen going after conquering slightly less perilous foes, like holiday decorations, fashion designers, and, of course, all that time spent showing the bottle who’s boss. We recount Kiefer’s greatest hits and ask the age-old question, “WWJBD?” — What would Jack Bauer do?

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1991: After a brief courtship, Kiefer and Julia Roberts become engaged. However, just three days before the wedding, Julia snubbed her would-be groom, opting to jet off to Ireland with Kief’s pal, Academy Award winner Speed 2: Cruise Control star, Jason Patric.

Jack Bauer edition: Finding himself alone on the day of his wedding with nothing more than a cryptic note regarding the whereabouts of his fiancée, Jack jets off to Ireland to find her, knocking her captor into the sea off Inishmore following a duel on speedboats. The two marry on an aircraft carrier following his knighting ceremony.

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2006: While feeling sufficiently loose in a hotel, Kiefer attacks a Christmas tree, but only after being told he’s a pirate.

Jack Bauer edition: After hearing a number of disturbing reports that pirates are intent on ruining Christmas, Jack heads to a nearby hotel, known for its extensive holiday displays. Upon entering the hotel, his partner says the code word, informing Jack just where and when the operative is hiding. Jack tackles the pirate hiding in the Christmas tree, and, after a brief pummeling, he is brought to Guantanamo Bay to be tortured.

2009: Apparently upset by the heavy use of wooden heels and metallic in their fall show, Kiefer head-butts Jack McCollough, half of design house Proenza Schouler, at the Mercer Hotel.

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Jack Bauer edition: After hearing from an informant that the Met Gala has been infiltrated by a terrorist cell intent to wreak havoc on the American government and, nearly as insidiously, convince the fashion-forward that color-blocked clothes are flattering, Jack Bauer ingratiates himself with New York’s fashion community, securing himself a spot at the annual gala. Knowing that the true masterminds behind the potential crime won’t be at the party, but in a secure location, he rushes downtown to the terrorists’ safe house at the Mercer Hotel, subduing their leader with a single crack from his steel-plated skull.

1980 – present: Kiefer battles the bottle, then the law.
Jack Bauer edition: Hey, we’ve all got our demons.

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