Now for the news nobody was eagerly anticipating: after two children, multiple arrests, and a host of allegations about her having a wee bit of a substance abuse problem, Jenna Jameson is being welcomed with open arms (and legs, and mouths) back into the adult film industry.

The former porn queen, who inauspiciously vowed, “I’ll never, ever, ever spread my legs again in this industry” back in 2008, is gearing up to fling the doors to Club Jenna wide open once again with some new webcam material, now that she’s somehow spent more money in the past five years than most people will see in a lifetime.

“My motivation is taking care of my family, and having fun, and meeting all my fans,” she not-at-all depressingly told TMZ reporters. While Jameson may be revisiting some old material, her return to her old haunts is far from the most depressing career revival we’ve seen yet. Check out our contenders for the saddest second acts:

Dan Aykroyd’s Crystal Head vodka:  Aykroyd has made plenty of good choices in his career — getting out of Saturday Night Live before the show started letting people like Miley Cyrus host it, not pushing for Ghostbusters III once Bill Murray said he wouldn’t participate — but his commitment to the crystal skull legend baffles the mind. While Aykroyd has made plenty of cash selling the amusingly packaged vodka, his advocacy for the healing power of the crystal makes us wonder he’s sampled a bit too much of his own stash.

Jamie Lee Curtis for Activia: Long before Curtis gave Arnold that awkward striptease inTrue Lies, but slightly after everybody had already heard that she might be packing a bit of both sets of genitalia, she was, for a period of time, a bit of a sex symbol following her tenure as Laurie Strode, Michael Myers’ most sought-after victim in the Halloween series. Unfortunately, with parts for older women in Hollywood about as scarce as unicorns, Jamie has chosen to reinvent herself as the world’s most embarrassing mom as the spokesperson for Activia. Just look at that comfy sweater and sensible haircut — you can tell there isn’t a digestive issue she won’t discuss with you.

Monica Lewinsky’s handbag line:  Lewinsky clearly had to make some money after fellating the president, because while he may have had sexual relations with that woman, it’s unlikely he — or her internship supervisor — paid her for it. So Lewinsky took to designing reversible totes to earn some cash, post-Staingate, selling what will likely be remembered as the world’s ugliest purses to department stores to offset her astronomical dry cleaning costs.

Lamar Odom’s job as tabloid fodder: Remember when this guy used to play basketball?

For non-stop reports on your favorite fallen stars, watch Celebrity Buzz on FilmOn:

You might also like:
Kung Fu: Miss Lydia is back with advice on how to manage your obsession
Brazilian “Bumbum” contest marred by bribery allegations
Trend Alert: Bikini is the new apron (video)