The new year at the cinema may start with a hangover from all the 3D movies and questions about why we actually went to see The Hangover Part III, but once our minds uncloud themselves, 2014 will bring a lot of big questions. It’s time to start coming up with some answers.
COULD:
Kickstarter’d movies like Veronica Mars & Zach Braff’s Wish I Was Here are due to release in 2014, and test the public’s want to validate the Internet’s dreams. Sure, Serenity was a great movie, but the public didn’t respond as feverishly as Joss Whedon’s Firefly fanatics.
SHOULD:
I have no greater well-wishes for anything as I do for Amanda Bynes’ recovery. The actress’ 2013 can be best summarized with her ‘Legal issues’ section on Wikipedia, which I wish was all her year was known for. As she recovers, let’s leave the bathroom twitpics and Drake shoutouts behind. Hopefully, there’s an Easy A or She’s the Man sequel in the works.
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WILL:
There is no doubt that we will all win the Sequel Hunger Games of 2014. So many properties are releasing sequels,that I’m worried we’re in store for Grownups 3. Franchises both reborn (The Superfluously Amazing Spiderman 2 and The Hobbit 3: Can We Hock This Ring at a Cash-For-Gold?) and evolving (X-Men: Days of Future Past and The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1) will hit the big screen again, and likely bring their fans back for another year of amazing box office success.
Chiwetel Ejiofor will get nominated (and should win) for his performance in 12 Years A Slave, but more time will be spent botching his name. This will lead to eye-rolls from Quvenzhané Wallis, already too old for this shit.
A performance that seems made to troll audiences nationwide revolves around Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover Girl Kate Upton. Her performance in The Other Woman, of a character the film itself refers to as “The Boobs,” will be the stuff of Gawker linkbait and couples arguments across the country, while Leslie Mann tries to accomplish a true high-wire stunt: acting in a movie her husband didn’t make.
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Henry T. Casey tweets @henrytcasey
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