Viktor Yanukovych, kiev, ukraine

Former Ukrainian president Viktor Yanukovych fled his home country and resurfaced in Russia almost a week later following immense civil unrest and death threats.

Yanukovych still swears he is Ukraine’s leader despite his inability to control tension in the country’s Crimea region and being ousted on Saturday. This is also in the face of armed men who seized the local parliament and raised the Russian flag, according to the BBC.

After the most recent fallout, since we’re sure that tensions in the East are not even close to subsiding, we have a feeling that Yanukovych will be looking for a new job in the very near future. Here are just a few suggestions.

1) Docent of the Edward Snowden Memorial Waiting Room at Moscow’s Airport

Since the NSA data leaker Edward Snowden spent so much time in Moscow’s Sheremetyevo Airport during his Where’s Waldo phase, tourists from all over the world will want to see the now infamous home away from homeland–especially if he actually wins the Nobel Peace Prize he’s been nominated for. Yanukovych could point out where he slept and took sponge baths, and help on the janitorial front by scrapping gum off the floor, etc.

2) Vladimir Putin’s Nipple Fluffier

Now that he’s sought asylum in Russia, the anti-western strong man could help out Russia’s top boss on those important shirtless “I’m Not Gay” photo shoots. Whether its horseback riding, hunting bear or wrestling alligators, the people want their leader’s nips rock hard. Yanukovych has the touch.

3) Sochi’s Head Porta Potty Cleaner

Following the 2014 Winter Olympics, there’s probably enough of these that need to be cleaned to keep Yanukovych busy until the crisis in Ukraine dies down, or at least until Ukrainian locals find him.

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