Comcast Time Warner

For those who haven’t heard, cable behemoth Comcast is set to acquire other cable giant Time Warner Cable in a $45 billion merger.

Before this can officially take place, the federal government has to approve. We’re really hoping that they don’t, but if they do, the new and not-so-improved massive cable provider will serve one out of every three homes in the United States, according to CNN.

For tose who think this could actually be a good thing, Los Angeles Times reporter Joe Flint has already noted that if nothing else, it doesn’t mean that cable bills will decrease anytime soon. Per Comcast executive David Cohen, the company is “certainly not promising that customer bills will go down or increase less rapidly.”

And that’s just the beginning.

What a perfect day for such a marriage.

…Unless you’re a subscriber.

And no, we’re not talking about the board game.

Here’s what the merger looks like in graph form. It doesn’t look any better than it does in text.

And yes, we’re almost positive this is Comcast’s first big move to take over just about everything.

If you find someone who actually likes Comcast, please let us know.

Why can’t our cable and internet prices match those in France?

Oh right, because then they wouldn’t be able to afford this.

These jokes are never going away. Not that we’re complaining or anything.

We can’t tell if this is naivety or really poor sarcasm, either way we’re still not happy about this.

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