When Katie Couric announced that she was joining forces with Yahoo! to anchor their news desk, the world wondered: had we been Punk’d?
The likeable newscaster had only started as the host of her own ABC talk show, Katie, the year before (Which was launched by Jeff Zucker, who fled quickly to attempt to revamp CNN. And yet, she was suddenly partnering with the online giant, where she would inevitably work in obscurity until Marissa Mayer came up with a more effective way to waste millions of dollars.
It wasn’t until Thursday, when ABC announced that Katie would not be renewed for the upcoming season, that it became clear: the news as we know it would forever be changing, and that the little bit of the cheer that the veteran anchor had brought to stories about dissing Kim Kardashian, Manti Te’o’s fake girlfriend, and the national rape kit backlog, would be leaving with her.
So what should Katie focus her talents on now, should Yahoo! continue being Yahoo!, and not ever complete its metamorphosis into a place people want to work, long-term? We have a few ideas for he next step.
Bring out the inner Bethenny: It’s not that Katie Couric isn’t good at her job — she’s very good at it, in addition to all of the other things we’ve come to expect from women on TV — wit, a hot bod, and the willingness to broach some difficult subjects. The main thing that’s been holding her back, however, is her inability to cross the line from the demure and consummate professional she’s made herself out to be over the past 34 years and become the highly-watchable Bethenny Frankel-style host that talks more about waxing than she does the news. If Katie’s willing to let her hair down and discuss the ins and out of intimate bleaching on air, she’s got a golden goose on her hands — journalistic past be damned.
Go Kelly Ripa all over this bitch: Kelly Ripa sold us a bank account with a Canadian company. Kelly Ripa sold us surgery we didn’t really need at a New Jersey hospital. Kelly Ripa sold us a kitchen so nice we’re afraid to cook in it. Katie Couric is essentially Kelly Ripa without the fear-inducing arms and could probably sell us, among other things: popsicles, Top-Siders, no-iron khakis, Lipitor, hair dye, spay/neuter services, a rebounding workout, mammograms, homeowner’s insurance, the HPV vaccine, and children in need of sponsorship for just $.99 a day.
Follow Arianna all the way to no-pay notoriety: If Katie wants to maintain her credibility as a legitimate journalist, she’ll be hard-pressed to do it by following up recipes for bundt cake on Yahoo.com with her news casts. Sadly, among the few ways to keep your name in the news as a journalist these days are to either torpedo your career or keep that SEO working for you with a free gig at a high-profile site like the Huffington Post. Katie could continue to report the news stories she loves without compromising her integrity and we’re sure, still find some way to live comfortably off of those millions she’s made in the past.
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