Hey fanboys, turn off the PS4 for a hot second. Now that the Winter Olympics are over, people have finally shut up about their #sochiproblems and sports you’ve never heard of. But you don’t get off the hook that easily.

The Oscars are on this Sunday, March 2nd, and everyone is talking about it. You probably can’t remember the last time you ventured out of mom’s basement for food or a real shower, so no one should expect you to care about Hollywood’s biggest night, right? What’s Hollywood got to do with you anyhow?

A lot, believe it or not. This could be a big year for the Nerd Kingdom and you better earn your stripes by cheering from home. The big one for you is obviously Best Visual Effects, with Iron Man 3, The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, and Star Trek into Darkness all nominated this year. But there’s a lot more to watch, and to make it easy for you, here’s your Geek Guide to the 2014 Oscars:

Best Picture:

American Hustle - Amy Adams, Jennifer LawrenceChristian BaleLouis CK, and Michael Wilkinson, the costume designer from all your favorite nerdy films? Try to find a reason NOT to support this.

Her - This could be your life story one day. The more time you spend alone in your room surrounded by gaming consoles instead of real women, the less weird it is for you to fall in love with your operating system. Still, don’t do it.

Best Actor:

Christian Bale (American Hustle) – He was Batman. The end.

Best Actress:

Amy Adams (American Hustle) – She may not have won you over as Lois Lane in Man of Steel, but she treated you to a lot of side boob in American Hustle, and for that you should be grateful.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role:

Michael Fassbender (12 Years a Slave) – Even if you didn’t see the film, you know and love him from X-Men: First Class.

Best Actress in a Supporting Role:

Jennifer Lawrence (American Hustle) – She played Mystique in X-Men: First Class AND the ass-kicking Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games. If she isn’t your dream girl by now, you should get your man parts checked.

Best Cinematography:

The Grandmaster - A kung fu movie nominated for two Oscars? You love kung fu movies.

Best Costume Design:

American Hustle - Your wardrobe may consist mostly of faded graphic t-shirts, but you should care because Wilkinson is also the costume designer for fanboy favorites like Man of Steel, Man of Steel 2, Watchmen, Sucker Punch, and TRON: Legacy.

The Grandmaster - Read about these spectacular costumes.

Best Directing:

American Hustle

Best Editing:

American Hustle

Best Original Score:


Best Production Design:

American Hustle


Best Sound Mixing:

The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

Best Visual Effects:

The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

Iron Man 3

Star Trek into Darkness

Best Original Screenplay:

American Hustle


You might also like:

Oscar mayhem: the nominations, the WTFs, the dirty secrets
The Golden Globes according to Twitter: It’s all about the booze
Brit Awards: Kate Moss in David Bowie drag can’t save this tired show

Watch other classic movies on Hollywoodland via FilmOn:

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