Piers Morgan CNN

In light of the news that Piers Morgan Live would be coming to an end after a largely unsuccessful 3-year run succeeding the great Larry King on CNN, the world is faced with a dilemma: do we continue to suffer through additional years of this British madman’s mockery of journalism, or find out what happens when yet another unscrupulous millionaire has a little extra time on his hands?

To maintain the sanctity of both our phones and our airwaves, it seems as though it’s the responsibility of an ethical public to ensure that Piers hands don’t lay idle, but what line of work best suits a man who already has it all? Whether he decides to rehabilitate his image or toss his career out the window, we have some suggestions for Mr. Morgan’s next move. 

Go Full O’Reilly: Piers certainly doesn’t have the finest track record when it comes to sensitivity toward his guests. While this kind of behavior might not fly in most workplaces (or on most networks), if there’s one place that’s happy to allow interviewees to be berated and belittled, it’s Fox News. Although we hear Roger Ailes is working on a potion to make all of his most polarizing hosts live forever, it’s clear that for now, Bill O’Reilly is still very much a mortal man. When their cash cow goes dry, Fox has a terrific replacement in Piers, who has all of O’Reilly’s fury, along with the added bonus of an accent that lends him credibility to people who aren’t really listening to what he says.

Celebrity Big Brother: More than favoring tea over coffee, more than their confusion about what “football” means, if there’s one perplexing thing about the UK, it’s their deep and abiding love for the dullest show on earth, Big Brother. While the celebrity edition has a bit more dimension than the regular premise, which involves watching people hot tub and read the Bible in an Ikea-filled flat, it still leaves something to be desired, thanks to its dearth of captivating participants. However, put Piers and his laundry list of banned guests in a house and let them duke it out, Lord of the Flies-style, and the BBC might find they’ve got a hit on their hands — or at least something to break up all those episodes of EastEnders.

Rehab: If Piers has learned anything from his fellow celebs, it should be this: when you want to wipe the slate clean, there’s no better place to do it than in rehab. After his Janet Mock debacle, in which he claimed to be a victim of “cisphobia,” Piers isn’t winning any friends in marginalized communities. While the backlash from the trans community, their allies, and those with common sense may leave Piers hard-pressed for options when he’s looking for work, if there’s one quick fix for his reputation for bad behavior, it’s rehab. If Piers is willing to go to treatment to confront his foot-in-mouth disease, he can prove to fans that he’s a good guy underneath it all — and if he’s lucky, get a book deal out of it.

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